Guys Don't Approach Me Anymore: What's Wrong? And How Can I Fix This?

JAN 27, 2023 AT 10:28 AM

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Are you the type of girl who used to need a fly swatter to get rid of all the men buzzing around you? Has this reality changed suddenly or gradually over the years? It is only natural to wonder why guys do not approach you anymore and what you can do to fix the situation.

Since most societies expect men to always make the first move, you are likely to have difficulty dating if men do not approach you. Do not worry about that. This article is just what Cupid ordered. We will highlight the most common reasons men refrain from approaching women. After you put your finger on the source of the problem, it will be much easier to rectify it.

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Reasons Men Do Not Approach You Anymore

There are numerous reasons men may decide not to approach you. Here are the most common ones:

1) They are intimidated by your personality or looks

Most men will not approach women if they think the odds are against them. Men are certainly less likely to approach you if you always spot a sharp glare, creased brow, and curled upper lip. Most men lack the courage to approach a woman who may make them feel less manly, i.e. in control. 

If you are an alpha woman (very confident, serious, and outspoken), chances are good that most men you are interested in will scamper away. They fear that you may reject them, or if you do accept them - they will disappoint you by not living up to your high standards.  

Solution

Being an alpha female is not something you should change. However, you can tweak your personality by engaging in activities that lower your guard, e.g. paintball, dancing, or participating in your favorite bar’s quiz competition. Such activities will make you look less serious and intimidating. 

You do not need to do this all the time, just frequently enough to let a rarely-seen side of your personality shine through. At the risk of sounding sexist, you can also try smiling more.

2) They do not notice any non-verbal cues to approach.

Even though men are expected to approach women, they rely on women to give them a cue or signal that it is safe to approach. You have probably seen these cues all over pop culture, batting off the eyelashes, coy smiles, and hair flips. Do not worry. You do not have to be that dramatic. 

Most signals are subtle. They are rarely noticed by anyone except the sender and recipient. It all begins with eye contact and a smile to acknowledge the other person. That’s why catching each other’s eyes in a crowded room is a classic romance trope. 

Solution

The next time you want to use your feminine whiles to get a man to approach you, try this. Gaze at him until he feels your eyes on him. Look away briefly when he looks in your direction and then return his gaze with a smile. Hook, line, and sinker. The man is very likely to approach you. 

Ladies who have been at it for a while have perfected nonverbal cues to a science. Preening is one of the most common and obvious ways to signal availability. If you are in a social set-up and men observe your open body posture, they are guaranteed to take it as a sign that you are fair game. Fussing over your hair and clothes does not hurt either. 

3) They witnessed you being rude

Both men and women readily admit that they would be hesitant to get entangled with someone they observed berating another. The effect is even worse if you are taking our frustrations out on employees e.g. waitstaff. 

If someone bumps into you causing you to spill your pinot on your white dress, do not lose your cool. Scolding the person will not get rid of the stain, or help your reputation. Being understanding, polite, and even friendly will go a long way. Most people will admit you and wonder if they would have handled the incident so gracefully. 

Solution

Strive to be respectful and polite to everyone you meet. This will instantly let others around you know that you are a down-to-earth and approachable woman. 

4) You are glued to your phone

It is damn near impossible to notice someone noticing you if your eyes are glued to your smartphone. Not only will you look very antisocial, but most people will assume you are self-absorbed as well. Why else would you choose to ignore the people around you and focus on whatever on your phone is more important than them? 

Solution 

Put your phone away unless you are taking a selfie of the amazing time you are having on the dance floor. If you absolutely have to sit at the table, try not scrolling through your phone the entire time. Look up once in a while and see if someone worthy of your notice has entered the scene. You just may catch someone gazing at you. 

5) You mostly hang out with other guys

Men are very unlikely to approach a woman who is in the company of other men. Not only is it intimidating, but they have to risk hitting on you in front of your boyfriend. Cringe! 

Solution

Going out with your male besties is a good thing. The trick is ensuring you do not only go out with them. It is important to go out with your girlfriends, or alone - if you are brave enough. Men are much more likely to approach you when there aren’t any men they’d have to ‘explain their intentions’ to. 

6) Your dressing throws them off

Wrong or right, most people judge the book by the cover. How you dress plays a significant role in prompting men to approach or steer clear of you. The good news is, you do not need to wear anything uncomfortable or too revealing to attract men. In fact, dressing skimpily and wearing too much makeup could actively make men view you as an unsuitable partner. 

You do not have to bend over backward to achieve your goal. If you do not look like the frumpy girl before the makeover, you are generally good to go. Jean and a cute top will do the trick any day. If it is a special occasion, try to go all out and make your hair and nails too. 

Solution

Avoid wearing ill-fitting and unflattering clothes. Dress appropriately for your age and the occasion. Whenever possible, dress femininely. Believe it or not, wearing a dress, skirt, or cute top increases the odds of men approaching you. 

7) You do not socialize within events

A big red flag is cutting yourself off from the group during a social event. Even introverts show up to a party bracing for the inevitable overload of social interactions. Do not sit in the corner, nursing your drink as you observe the party roaring away. It is likely to make you appear less attractive to men. 

Most men are attracted to women who are confident and outgoing. They are more likely to hedge their bets on a woman who is mingling around than one who appears to be cowering on the fringes. 

Solution

No matter the pain, if you chose to attend an event, it is only right that you interact with the people there. Talk to somebody, anybody! Bring up the weather. Ask how their day is going, anything is better than morosely sitting alone. 

8) You are too tipsy

If you often drink more alcohol than you ought to, men may begin to keep their distance. Approaching a drunk woman seems predatory, and even those who may have initially shown some interest will keep off afterward. 

Solution

Ensure you drink light alcohol and hydrate enough especially if it is going to be a long night. Lay off the booze once you feel a light buzz. This is guaranteed to keep you from getting carried away.