DEC 16, 2022 AT 02:24 AM
We have all been there: you are in a relationship and your partner says all the right things and makes you feel so special with his honey-coated words, they make promises and express their love, but their actions do not back it up. You are left feeling frustrated and helpless and even betrayed.
It is natural to feel hurt when your partner’s words do not match their actions, and it is important to take action to address the situation. It is not easy to confront a partner about their behavior, but it is necessary if you want to have a healthy, meaningful relationship.
Whether you are just starting out in a relationship or have been together for years, you can learn how to address these issues and create a stronger bond with your partner. In this article, we will look into the reasons why your guy is not acting on what he is saying.
Recognizing the Problem
First and foremost, it is very important to acknowledge the elephant in the room. You cannot ignore it anymore because it will keep hurting you. You need to accept that your man is excellent in communication, but poor in implementation.
That is where personal choice comes in. See, you will sit down and agree on 1, 2, and 3, but hit a dead end from there because no actions are following. This can be heartbreaking, especially if you are on the receiving end.
What are the reasons?
He wants to make you and keep you happy: Remember that talk is cheap. It is just talking, not commitment. One of the major reasons why he is doing this is because he is comfortable with where you two are. No need for growth, or taking it to the next step. He knows that when you sit down and talk, you will be happy and relaxed, so he keeps you there.
Is he hiding something? Could it be that he does not know how to fix the leaking sink even though he said he will fix it? It is very common to see people lie that they know how to do something but have no idea of how to do it.
Looking for attention or appreciation: Men live off their ego and respect. If he notices that you get excited by some of the things that he says he has/can achieve, then he may be saying a lot of things that will be stroking his ego so you respect him. For example, he can tell you that he is in the process of buying you the latest McLaren.
He is willing to commit: have you seen a situation where a guy promises a lady that he will marry her for ages without popping the question? It is because he is not willing to be committed to this relationship, which could be out of fear.
He does not love you: If you notice that this guy has not been fulfilling his promises, say for like spending more time with you, even though he tells you he will make time for you, or he promises to be more romantic but what you get is a living robot, it could be a sign that he is really not into you
It is who he is: it could be that his whole life he has been the talker who wants to impress his friends with big talk. Is it a behavior you found him with? Maybe he has been struggling to impress people his whole life and here you are, he does not want to let you down.
What to do?
Understanding Your Partner’s Motivations
Understanding why your partner behaves the way they do can help you to process their behavior and put it in context. It is important to remember that it is not always intentional. Many people grow up witnessing this type of behavior and end up repeating it without realizing that it is not normal or healthy.
You may find that your guy grew up in an environment where the parents used to promise him things so that he would in turn finish a project, or do a chore. This made him relate words with reward, even if you will not really do it.
It is very much possible that they do not even realize that they are acting that way. Understanding this, you will be able to acknowledge their challenges and provide them with the support they need. It is not your job to solve their problems, it is, however, your job to provide them with the resources and support they need to heal and grow.
Talk to him
If you have been with your partner for a while but are noticing these red flags in the relationship, you may be struggling with questions on how you will let them know and how they will take it. No matter how long you have been together, it can be hard to talk to your partner about something they have always done and never been called out on.
It is important not to ignore these red flags because ignoring them just makes them worse. By bringing these issues up with your partner, you give them the opportunity to recognize their mistake, and you give them an opportunity to correct them and to grow into better being. Let him know that he says things that he does not match with actions, and you are not so happy with that.
You can decide to draw boundaries on what is acceptable, and what is not. It can be difficult to decide which boundaries to draw, especially if you have been in the relationship for a while. Here are some examples of boundaries that can help you to stay safe in your relationship:
- Reschedule plans when your partner is unable to show up on time.
- Specify a day that you will be going on dates together.
- Create a to-do list that he should check after accomplishing a task that he said he will do.
If you and your partner have tried everything and you are still having trouble getting him to act up, it may be time to explore couples therapy. Couples therapy can help him to process his fears, and feelings, deal with the trauma, and learn how to follow his word to the letter by doing what he says.
Moving Forward in Your Relationship
Once you have addressed the issues in your relationship and broken the cycle of cheap talk, what’s next? It is important to focus on building your relationship with both of you working as a team. When you realize he is not acting on what he said, you can remind him and also help him start the process of doing it. Be the better person. Help him out!
What if he does not change?
Well, are you tired of the lying and the cheap talk and he is not changing? If you think not acting according to his words is a deal-breaker and he is not willing to change, then it is okay to call it quits. Your growth and peace of mind are paramount and you should not compromise.
If your partner is unable or unwilling to change their behavior, you have to make the decision to end the relationship. This can be a very difficult decision, especially if you have been with your partner for a while.
You may feel guilty or unworthy of finding a new partner but remember: you deserve better than to be in a toxic relationship. Ending the relationship may seem scary, but it is an important step in ending the cycle of heartbreaks and being lied to in your life
It can feel so discouraging when your partner says all the right things but nothing changes. You may be wondering what to do when your partner's words do not match their actions. The truth is, it is not easy to fix a relationship when your partner is not willing to follow through on their promises and commitments.
But, by following this guideline, you can take to try bridge the gap between words and actions. With patience, understanding, and clear communication, it is possible to move forward and create a relationship with more alignment. The key is to start by understanding the reasons behind your partner's behavior and then work together to create a plan of action.