FEB 01, 2023 AT 11:43 AM
We live in a society where a man asking a lady for money is taboo. Though ego plays a big role in this timeless commandment, social programming and prejudicial misconceptions play their role too. These complex ingredients make financial relations between the sexes a thorny and complex issue. People avoid the conversation and put it off for as long as possible.
In these progressive times, it is tough to know whether your date wants to split the check because he is a charming feminist or a potential Tinder Swindler. Especially if you just met them. Should you agree? Or protest that you are a traditional type of girl?
Whatever you decide to do, it'll probably be easier than deciding whether or not to lend a man money. It can be tough to figure out when it is okay for a man to ask you for money and when it isn't. This article will highlight situations where a man may borrow money and how to figure out whether to lend it to him.
Here are 10 situations when it may be okay for a man to ask you for money:
1. If it's a loan
The first time he asks to borrow money, consider loaning it to him. Turning him down categorically is hurtful and indicates that he cannot depend on you. That does not mean you have to make it easy for him. After all, he may have no plans to repay you. Make it clear that you are uncomfortable and would rather he had not placed you in that predicament.
Tell him that, as a rule of thumb, you do not mix your romances and finances. Find out why he needs the money, who else he has asked for help (family, friends, banks, etc.), and if he had other options except you. The conversation will not be comfortable, but he should be the one sweating, not you.
Observe how he explains his need for the loan to spot red flags
Remember that most of us - irrespective of gender - were raised to never ask for anything from anyone, especially not money. No one should seem too comfortable or feel justified when asking another for money. However, there are some situations when asking for money is acceptable and okay. The trick is knowing the difference.
If a man is being pushy when asking you for money, it may be best to turn him down. Beware that someone can be polite and pushy at the same time. Some people have it down to science. The easiest way to be pushy is by having an emergency and pushing you to make a rushed decision to save them. Most financially responsible adults have emergency funds to avoid embarrassing situations.
If You Do Decide to Loan Him Money
If you decide to loan him the money, do not feel obliged to give the amount he asked for. Only lend the amount you are comfortable with. Underline that the money is a loan and you trust him to repay it on time. Explain that failure to honor the promise will jeopardize your finance and relationship.
If He Doesn’t Pay Back the Loan?
If your gut is right, do not pester the man to get your money back. Try and absorb the loss and chalk it down to a costly lesson. If he ever asks to borrow money again, do not agree under any circumstance. If you have to, tell him your steps to protect your money and only keep your living expenses as liquid cash.
If he is insistent, let him know, you may consider lending him more money if he repays the first amount and gives you enough notice to move your money.
2. The man in question is a relative.
Family comes first, and if the man asking to borrow money is relative, you will be hard-pressed to say no. Whether it is your dad, brother, uncle, or cousin, you must take them through the conversation we have mentioned above. As gross as it sounds, you will need to treat them like any other man asking you for money.
Even though you are more likely to say yes, take them through these steps to ensure they respect your sacrifice. It will protect you from having to keep loaning them money if they never repay you.
3. They intend to put the money to good use.
Intentions count for a lot. Why not lend money to a man who wants to use it for charity? Perhaps you may find yourself in the mood to be the patron to a moody starving artist type. The bottom line is that it is your money. If you consider a cause worthy enough to splash your sweat on, it should not matter who asks you for the money. The why should carry the day, not the who.
4. If he is in a fix and you can help
Suppose a man calls while in a fix; you may want to lower your guard and help them. Egos ensure that most men will not ask a woman for help until they are between a rock and a hard place. When a guy is in a bad spot, e.g. needs to be bailed out of jail or pay impound fees for their car, he is likely desperate and has no other choice.
5. Your relationship norms and level of comfort
Maybe your relationship is progressive enough for it not to be weird when a man asks you for money. If so, more power to you! There are plenty of at-homestay-at-home dads who shamelessly adore their breadwinning wives.
6. If he is a trustworthy individual
Women are known to be more forgiving and accepting of men they consider loyal and trustworthy. If the male bestie that has been with you through it all asks you for money, it would be heartless not to hear him out.
7. You Have History
The past is complicated and, at times, butts into the present with no apologies. Should someone pop up out of your past, asking you for money, weigh their request as outlined in number one above.
8. It is not detrimental to your financial well being
Sometimes someone may ask you for an amount of money that makes little difference to your overall financial position. If you are not the type to pinch every penny and the man asking has not formed a habit of it, consider spreading a little cash around. Men know how effectively this works, and it is why they love to throw money at problems.
9. It is advantageous to your financial well-being.
Most people are wary of investing in the business ventures of friends and acquaintances. This does not mean you should disregard everyone asking you to invest. At times, the return on the investment may be unexpectedly large.
10. There is a legal agreement in place.
Whenever loaning money to someone, ensure you do it in a manner that covers you legally. Avoid handing them a wad of dollar bills. Insist on a bank or app money transfer because it leaves a trail.
If you are loaning a large sum of money, it is always best to have it in writing. If you feel awkward telling a man to sign on the dotted line, have your financial investor require the signature before transferring the money.
Some people believe there aren't any circumstances where it is okay for a man to ask a woman for money. Those people are holding onto harmful, outdated, and disproven gender norms. Do not be one of them.
Whether the person asking you for money is a man or woman, you should try to be unbiased and make an objective, financially sound, and humane decision. We hope this article helps you make a wise choice when next asked for money.