My Boyfriend Gets Mad When I Say No – How to Calm Him Down?

DEC 15, 2022 AT 02:30 AM


One of the most critical relationships in our lives is with our partners. But those relationships are not always smooth. Sometimes your boyfriend will be mad at you, and for simple reasons such as you saying no. So, what can you do to calm down your partner when he gets mad at you? 

Usually, when you disagree with your boyfriend, and he becomes furious at you, it's important to remember that your boyfriend is not the only person who can get angry. In a relationship, it takes two people to fight; hence your reaction matters. 


Therefore, even when you are sure saying no was the proper response, you shouldn't make excuses for yourself. Also, you shouldn't insensitively insist that you are right and he is wrong. 

Important Aspects You Should Be Aware of

Your boyfriend will get angry when he feels how much control you have over him by you saying no every time. He'll be frustrated because his way of being in control isn't working anymore, and now he has no other options other than yelling at you since you are standing up for yourself.

Importantly, here are some aspects you can explore before you decide on the best approach to address the problem and have him calm down. 

  • How was he growing up? In some instances, if your boyfriend has grown up in a toxic environment with an abusive father, he will likely have anger management issues in adulthood. Therefore, in such a situation, you should be a little patient and help him to develop positive traits. However, he should be able to acknowledge he has issues with his temper, and he would love to get help to break that cycle.
  • Is he stressed? Sometimes, he may worry and not be happy about his condition. Also, he might be stressed and looking for ways to change his current state. For instance, he may be unhappy about his job, and he doesn't know how to bring his problems to an end. If this is the case, you can support him until he is off that difficult season of life.  
  • Does he feel like he is alone in that relationship?How is your relationship? Does your boyfriend do everything to make the relationship stand? If this is the case, then he will likely project those frustrations on you. 

Ways to Calm Your Boyfriend Down 

Sometimes, simply explaining why you disagreed with your boyfriend won't work. He won't stop being mad at you because you explained why you said no. Fortunately, there are various ways you can explore and apply to calm down your boyfriend. Below are common ways to calm your boyfriend down and resolve your dispute. 

1) Firmly Explain Why You are Dissatisfied With his Reaction

Let your boyfriend know that you don't like the way he reacts when you say no. Let him know that you won't entertain his actions. Importantly, it's best if you are patient and respectful as you communicate this to him. 

Mainly, if he values you and the relationship, he will put effort into doing better next time you disagree. On your side, as long as you can see some improvement after talking through the issues, you can patiently support him to improve and become better. 

2) Investigate to Establish the Root Cause and Deal With it 

Although you may love and treasure the relationship, it may not be easy to calm down your partner. You will notice this when your simple efforts are all futile. In most instances, he will not stop being mad at you by simply telling him it’s wrong. In this case, you should make time to listen to him. 

Be interested to hear what could be the problem. You will be surprised to realize his anger has nothing to do with you but with the problematic prevailing seasons, he is in. Once you discover and support him in dealing with the root cause, he will likely improve and stop being unreasonably mad at you. 

3) Understand the Stage Your Relationship is in

In the early stages of a relationship, commonly known as the honeymoon phase, everything seems smooth, and disagreements are minimal. 

However, as you learn each other's personality and become comfortable around each other, disputes become a common phenomenon. But, 

if you are past the honeymoon stage, you can objectively address your conflict. 

4) Be Positive and Hopeful

Even when your boyfriend is unreasonably mad at you, you should be hopeful, calm, patient, and optimistic but firm when helping him calm down. Usually, a simple no can lead to unnecessary friction between you.  

But you should remain positive and hopeful that those disagreements are not the end of your relationship. The two of you need to objectively put effort into ensuring minimal conflicts and disputes do not affect the special place you hold in each other's hearts. 

5) Keep Communication Open

Most disagreements occur when there is no open communication between the parties, or you lack the skills to resolve conflicts. Although there are no ideal relationships, with open communication, it's easy to handle a dispute and get a solution. Therefore, it's essential to keep communications open. 

6) Seek Help From a Counselor

Sometimes your boyfriend may be mad at you not because you have said no to his idea but because of other issues in his life. Notably, it might be challenging to point out those personal issues. However, although the relationship is for the two of you, and you have the final say about it, sometimes you need a counselor to hold your hand as you navigate difficult times. 

The counselor will be able to professionally point out the problems in your relationship and advise you on the steps you should take to handle the issue. 

Why Should You Calm Down Your Boyfriend?

Usually, if disagreements are handled maturely and respectively, they strengthen your bond. Your efforts to create a peaceful environment show you all value each other and that a simple no should not cause friction between you. Importantly, you can become calm, happy, and productive.

Irrespective of who is wrong or right, it's essential to sit down and investigate to establish the facts surrounding your conflict. Importantly, assess the situation objectively and not carelessly jump to conclusions or overreact. Apologize if you are in the wrong, and let your boyfriend know why he needs to apologize when he is wrong. 

Therefore, it's important to resolve conflicts objectively and on time. You will all be happy with one another and keep appreciating and enjoying each other's company.

What to Do if the Disagreement Escalates to Physical Abuse?

It's unhealthy to be in a relationship with someone who is abusive or blows off in case of a slight mistake. In this case, it's advisable to walk away from partners unwilling to resolve conflicts healthily. Therefore, in case he hits you or calls you names even after calmly and respectively standing your ground, then you need to get out as fast as possible or call the police.

But, in case you feel this is still the right relationship to be in despite the disagreements, then you can look for help on how to help your partner calm down and minimize those abusive and depressing episodes. This is when there are many happy moments and only a few cases of disagreements that are reasonably manageable if addressed. 


The next time you're in an argument with your boyfriend, and he gets angry or upset, remember these tips and use them to resolve the disagreement and calm him down.  

Lastly, don't be afraid to say no. Although he'll get mad at first, don't let that deter you from standing up for yourself. Mainly, if he can't accept your refusal, he's not the right person for you. However, if he loves you and values the relationship, he will be at the forefront in seeking a solution to minimize conflicts and disagreements and to make the relationship enjoyable and comfortable for both of you.