My Wife Hasn't Slept with Me in Months - Why? And What Can I Do?

JAN 10, 2023 AT 01:53 PM


Healthy family relationship is a rare thing today. We all want to have it but the balance is so thin and fragile that it’s really hard to maintain it. But what if your wife hasn’t slept with you for months? We don’t mean sleeping in one bed, of course, but we mean having sex. If sex is absent in your relationship, is it OK? Or should you do something?

Unfortunately, sex is becoming a less popular activity. Men’s Health magazine recently researched this sphere and published in their article that an average American couple tends to have sex about 56 times a year which is basically once a week. That’s sad, you may think.


But what does it mean if your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you for months? Today, we’ll answer this question and let you know what to do.

Why can a woman be not interested in sex?

Well, there are hundreds of reasons. Women’s bodies are much more complicated than men’s ones and we can’t teach you everything you need to know in one small article. But still, we’ve tried hard and gathered the most common reasons why a woman may not be interested in sex or may even avoid any sexual intercourse with her husband.

Here are our top 7 reasons for this:

1. She suffers from hormonal disbalance

While men tend to want sex pretty much all the time (at least when they are young and active), women’s desire depends hugely on their hormonal level and the stage of their menstrual cycle. Also, hormonal disbalance may be the result of stress, sleeping too little time, overworking, or experiencing some deep emotional state.

Hormones in women’s bodies may go up and down even during the day because of the emotions the woman experiences right now. And these hormones can kill sexual desire very easily.

2. She gave birth to a baby recently

In this case, just give your wife some time. Giving birth is always traumatic for a woman and she may just need some time to recover. Also, she’s stressed out all the time because now she has a baby who totally relies on her and will not survive without her care. This is very stressful.

Also, hormones should go back to normal after pregnancy. So, within half a year after the woman gave birth to a baby, she may refuse to have sex with her husband, and it’s OK, you should just understand and support her.

3. Psychological factors

Sexual desire in men is a pretty straightforward thing. They see a naked woman and they are ready for action. In women, things are entirely different and much more complicated. To actually want sex, the woman needs to be relaxed, be in a good mood, be physically healthy, and be around the man she really likes.

Also, if you offended her recently, she may not feel secure when you are around. If you hurt her during having sex recently, she may not feel comfortable and may just not want to be hurt once more.

4. Her feeling toward you may have faded

Unfortunately, this happens. If you’ve been together for a lot of years, she may not feel any drive anymore. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you and wants to split up. Women often need fresh feelings in their relationships to maintain that sexual fire in them. It doesn’t mean that your wife will want some other man in her life. It just means you need to try something fresh to turn her on.

If your relationship has been too monotonous and hasn’t had a fire in it, you should try doing something new. What exactly? Well, this will require a separate article.

5. The woman is deeply offended

She may even not know about it, but she may be offended by some of your behavior, words, actions, reactions, etc. Women tend to be offended by a lot of things and they are usually really sensitive. You should learn your woman and know her limit of being offended.

If the woman is offended, she will not have any sexual desire until you figure everything out. Very often, you will just need to talk to her and explain everything in a very calm way and the fire will come back to your bed.

What to do if her feelings faded?

This is the worst situation you can imagine because, over time, it may lead to a breakup. You’ve seen dozens of those couples that seem to be happy with each other and then suddenly they get divorced just because of some small argument. It means their feelings faded and they probably had problems with their sexual life.

Sex is a very important indicator of whether your family relationship is healthy or not. If it’s not, you will notice some disorders and problems in this sphere. We assume you have already noticed something because you are here, reading this article.

Unfortunately, there is no certain guideline of what you should do if your wife lost interest in you as a partner. We would like to invent some step-by-step manual for this, but all cases are super individual and require professional help at most times.

Find a therapist who can help you. Start with a family psychologist and go on to find a person who will help you overcome the difficulties. Otherwise, your marriage is at risk because losing sexual desire for each other is one of the first steps in this very sad process.

What should you do if your wife doesn’t want to sleep with you?

But before you make an appointment with the most expensive psychologist in your area, you may try other things. In most cases, they will help unless your wife just lost that feeling for you. Maybe, the problem is not in the faded love and you should just take some steps to get those bright days back when you had fun in bad every other day.

Here’s what you can try for this:

1) Just talk with your wife and tell her what you feel

We know that in many families it’s not common to talk about sex. But this is a very important sphere of our lives, so we need to talk sometimes. Maybe, your wife needs something else from you than what you usually do in bed and she just doesn’t get any pleasure. So, after some time, she may feel like reading or watching a film instead of having sex which is quite natural.

You need to talk to her and ask her what she wants. This should be a very calm and friendly talk. We understand that you may be wound up a little but try to make it as comfortable for your wife as possible. Explain to her though that you want to have sex with her and that you both need to find some solution to this problem.

2) Be more romantic

Women are really romantic and they love when their men are romantic, too. Make dinner for her with candles on the table, use some calm and relaxing music, massage her back and shoulders gently and take control of the situation.

Maybe the problem is that none of you is initiative enough and shy to show the desire. Sometimes, a romantic atmosphere may bring fire back to your life and you will experience new emotions throughout the process.

3) Reduce stress in her life

Female hormones tend to get into chaos when the woman experiences a lot of stress. A modern woman needs to cope with a lot of highly stressful situations in her family, in her work, and even just when she walks on the street or goes shopping. Your task is to reduce the level of stress she experiences.

Here’s how you can do that:

  • help her do the work around the house;
  • give her some time to do what she loves;
  • help her with kids if you have them;
  • make sure she is not in a situation when she needs to earn money;
  • talk calmly to her and always appreciate what she does for you.

These are just simple things everyone can do. They will help your wife to obviously live a better life and have some time for sex. Otherwise, she will gradually forget what it is to be a woman and will certainly want less sex in her life.

When it is time to break up?

Splitting up because of bad sex life is not the best option. First, you should try to save the family by doing everything we’ve told you before. But if things only go worse, you should check for these two possible situations:

  • your woman doesn’t love you anymore;
  • she has someone else who she is happy with.

Try to figure it out first and then just give her the freedom to decide what she wants to do in her life. We often live with people we don’t love poisoning the lives of both, ourselves and our partners. And this is certainly not the best way to live your life because it’s still quite short and needs to be brighter than that!

Sometimes breaking up is the best option if you are completely sure you both will live better lives after you make this hard step.