JAN 19, 2023 AT 10:56 AM
Everyone has their fair share of emotional baggage. It is why most of us try our best to avoid getting entangled with someone who is having a tough time carrying theirs. An emotionally damaged person struggling with their psyche will have difficulty fulfilling their roles in a romantic relationship.
If you suspect you are in love with an emotionally damaged woman, the good news is that your relationship can be saved. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and put in the work - and it is a lot of work - to ensure your partner feels safe and reassured in your relationship. Once she eases up, your relationship will improve dramatically.
These Red Flags Should Let You Know You are Dating an Emotionally Damaged Woman
It is always wise to avoid jumping to conclusions. Just because your partner is wild and unpredictable does not mean they are emotionally damaged. There are plenty of other things that could be the cause of the problem. Here are some red flags that usually indicate someone is dealing with some emotional damage.
1) Emotionally Unstable - You Never Know What Will Flip Her Switch
Women are a ball of emotions - it is what makes them so unpredictable. However, some are way more flammable than others. If a woman gets abusive, e.g. shouts, screams, throws drinks, breaks stuff, scratches, punches, or gets otherwise unruly - she is likely emotionally damaged.
Men involved with such women often do it deliberately because they are drawn to the chaos. If this weren’t the case, they’d walk away the second they witnessed the incorrigible behavior. It is rarely the I-had-no-clue-what-I-was-getting-into-situation they mournfully tell their friends in the aftermath of the chaos.
Unfortunately, it is very hard to keep your distance from such women. Their intense feelings are infectious, and you will likely lose your self-control around them. It is the age-old story of drowning while trying to save another person from drowning.
What to do?
Choose a calm moment to speak to them about their unacceptable behavior. Tell them that lashing out or playing the victim is a manipulative tactic that is getting old. Express how you feel whenever they resort to such underhanded tactics. Ask them how they would respond if you behaved similarly, no matter how justified you felt.
Reassure them that you understand they are trying to change but should probably get professional help as a show of commitment. If your partner is not willing to get professional help, there may be little you can do. Stepping back from the relationship may be best for your safety and sanity.
2) Lives in the Past - Constantly Brings Up People Who Have Hurt Her
If your partner does not hesitate to play the broken bird card to excuse terrible behavior, chances are high that she has not resolved her feelings. It is why she feels the need to talk about the situations constantly.
The tough part is catching this red flag early enough. As a relationship sprouts, opening up and establishing trust is normal. This involves sharing details about past relationships and how they have influenced a person.
So how do you differentiate normal sharing from obsessing about the past? Observe your partner as they share; do they seem bitter? This could be a sign they are still holding onto a grudge. Are they going into excessive detail? It could mean that they still have unresolved feelings.
What to do?
Reassure your partner that you are an open and empathetic individual. You will not deceive her. You have no problem having tough conversations. Mention that she seems held up in the past and may need professional help letting it go.
Acknowledge that she was hurt while insisting that it is not a free pass to excuse bad behavior. You want to be the only person on her mind. Her behavior borders on self-sabotage. Maybe she wants to push you away. Be emphatic that you will not do time for crimes you did not commit.
3) Craves External Physical Validation - Lives For The Social Media Likes
If your partner needs to hear from strangers how attractive and desirable they are, this is a big red flag. The red flag gets bigger, the more provocative the photos are, and the larger the following she has. Such women have very fragile self-confidence. Their egos require constant feeding.
Your compliments will never be enough. It will mean about as much as dad telling her she is the prettiest girl in the world. They expect you to compete against all the pervy internet losers with fake abs on their profile who drool over every post. She will hold it over you at every turn.
Such people are also more likely to cheat on their partners. Whenever you argue, you will need to wonder if she is fielding proposals from her fan club to boost her self-esteem.
What to do?
It has hard to bring this up without sounding like an insecure chauvinist who cannot handle a liberal woman. But this is 2023. Toxic masculinity should have been fossilized by now! Do not be disrespected because you don’t want to ‘bitch’.
Many men do not mind that type of behavior. If it bothers you, tell her the truth. You do not like her online attention-seeking. Do not be gaslit into considering that you may be irrational. It is natural not to want your girlfriend’s semi-nude photos on random people’s feeds.
If she insists that you are being hypocritical - maybe you met her online - suggest that she transitions her online persona to one that is more respectful of her status as someone’s partner. You may be happier with different partners if she cannot do this.
4) Needy and Controlling - Say Goodbye to your Social Life
Emotionally damaged women try so hard to stop history from repeating itself. They are so scared of being dumped, cheated on, or abused in a relationship that they terrorize their future partners. Take things slow around anyone who asks you if they are what you dreamt of all your life on the first date.
What to do?
Resist your damaged partner and take things as slowly as possible. If a woman has evolved into being needy and controlling because of being manipulated, used, and let down, the last thing you want to do is fit into the pattern.
If you have already taken things too fast, suggest resetting the relationship to prove your commitment. Go on a first date, split desert, hold hands and share a chaste kiss. Dating an emotionally damaged person is a slow but sure process.
5) Hot and Cold - High Highs and Super Low Lows
Hot and cold is the oldest trick in the emotionally damaged person’s book. They keep you on the hook, not knowing which version you will get today. They bend backward when they are in the right mood (or want something from you). However, when they are mad at you, they will treat you inhumanely. They may also disappear for days.
Such a partner will have you low on their priority list. They will regularly cancel plans or stand you up to cater to their work, friends, family, or hobbies. You will always be at the bottom of her list unless it is a special occasion.
What to do?
You must analyze your relationship. Were things always like this, or did they take a turn? If things changed along the way, identify when and what likely triggered the change. Identify situations where your partner caused you to feel like an afterthought. Once you have your facts and feelings, you must confront your partner.
Communicate that you feel neglected and manipulated by her. State that you do not know whether her behavior is deliberate or compulsive. All you need to know is that she needs to change it.
The best way to help a damaged woman is by helping her find an excellent therapist; your relationship will not stand a chance otherwise.