JAN 12, 2023 AT 10:20 AM
The world is making an impressive effort to understand and accurately portray WLW relationships. We can see powerful examples of this everywhere. WLW relationships are present in books, movies, TV shows, and advertisement campaigns.
As society and pop culture embrace WLW relationships, people have gotten the chance to bust some myths and learn surprising truths. Lesbians are finally getting representation beyond the obligatory two-dimensional characters.
If you are wondering how accurate these representations are, this list will help you know what is true and what is hot air. Here are seven interesting things you may not have considered about WLW relationships.
Most Circles Are Very Small And Tight: Dating a Friend’s Ex May Ruffle Some Feathers, But It Won’t Make You A Social Pariah
Gay people roll their eyes back into their skulls whenever they hear a hetero person complain about how hard it is to meet people. It is nearly impossible for women on the hunt for other women to find safe places to meet and interact. Luckily, the internet came along and fast-forwarded social development.
You'd think the convenience of meeting women from all over the world at the click of a button would motivate lesbians to date beyond their social circles, but you'd be wrong. You'd only need to google the words "L Word Chart" to confirm this. Wait until you finish lapping up this scoop, of course!
Circles are small, tight, and hard to penetrate. This translates into a huge NO-NO In the straight world (dating your friend's ex), becoming quite normal and acceptable. When friends veer into familiar territory, everyone tries to keep their jealousy to a minimum because let's be honest, it isn't like you have another whole gender to pick and choose from.
The fish are in the sea, but most aren't queer, so no queer fish will begrudge another for pursuing love wherever they find it. Make sense?
Misogyny Rears Its Ugly Head Here Too!
Unfortunately, female-only relationships have not turned out to be the warm and cozy safe space suggested by the sisterhood of the traveling pants. WLW has not gathered into a league of modern Amazonians, either. Believe it or not, some are even misogynists!
Can you believe how disappointing it must be for a lesbian to date a misogynist? The least you'd expect is that everyone in your dating pool has drunk from the bittersweet cup of womanhood. At the very least, they worship the divine feminine within themselves and others, but this isn't always so.
Some women who still struggle with gender identity and societal norms have been known to bend backward to imitate the familiar. This is why most couples do not like having one partner referred to as the wife and the other as the husband.
These heteronormative terms set the stage for implied misogyny. You know, the type, wife does the dishes, husband brings the bacon type of trope. If you are unsure whether to refer to the couple as wife and wife or otherwise, consider asking them. If you had rather play it safe, use neutral terms like your spouse or partner to avoid unintentionally offending someone.
Partners Discuss and Assign Relationship Role Consensually
Since you now know better than to ask, who's the husband, let's discuss relationship roles. Unlike hetero couples who enter relationships loaded with preconceptions, WLW couples begin with a blank slate. Partners only take up roles they volunteer or are requested to and consent to perform.
No partner is the designated provider, and neither is pre-destined to be the nurturer. Abandonment of traditional gender roles has caused most gay people to be better-rounded individuals due to their high sense of self-reliance.
Most people in WLW relationships have known from an early age that they need to change light bulbs, take out the trash or fix a flat tire without praying for the intervention of a chivalrous man. Gay men have similarly taken it upon themselves to figure out how to make delicious dishes, decorate to the heavens, and express their emotions without prompting.
Much like hetero relationships, it is best not to assume anything. The dominant partner may not be the breadwinner. They need not even be the 'male.' One person could make more money, yet the partner holds the purse strings. Try asking before assuming if you are too curious to wait for nature to take its course. It may be intrusive, but it'll certainly be less offensive.
Passions Are Often Too Hot to Handle
The mythical love at first sight, or more direct bedroom eyes, is even more apparent for most WLW connections. The spark burns so bright and hot that everyone around will not help but stare in envy.
As mentioned earlier, finding love for a WLW is quite a challenge. It makes sense that when two people find each other, they want to get lost together. Disappear behind four walls and immerse themselves in each other.
Why face the world when they have everything their core being has been craving? Whirlwind romance, intense jealousy, and love rivals. Everything the romance books promise, and much more.
WLW Couples Are Rarely on Opposite Sides of Political Debates
These polarized times often force people to pick sides in debates that deserve nuanced opinions. Unlike hetero couples, WLW couples rarely find themselves on opposite sides of a political discussion.
Most queer people have felt isolated and (afraid of or)discriminated against by society. They are rarely looking to do the same to others.
While divergent political opinions exist, it is well known that most queer people are pro-choice, pro-immigration, pro-social welfare, and pro-gun control legislation. It should be noted that healthy relationships can be built on divergent political opinions as easily as they can on varying religious and cultural beliefs. Compromise will carry the day any day.
Making A Family Is Way More Interesting Than You’d Expect
At the center of the WLW relationships, or any really - is making a family. Everyone wants to know exactly how it gets done. And, for a long time, it has been straightforward. Until tolerance and equal rights crept into the picture. Bye predictability. Enter infinity.
WLW couples can create a family using any number of interesting paths. For some couples, the most obvious choice is adoption. Why not bless some of those whose parents cannot presently provide? You can have it all because adoption does not stop either of the partners from having a child of their own body. In fact, having children increases your odds of being chosen as a foster or adoptive parent.
Sometimes one partner has children from a previous relationship whom the other adopts. In some cases, one or both of the partners get sperm donors to deliver children. Children may have one or both partners as parents despite who birthed them. During divorce proceedings, custody battles get as intense as those witnessed between husbands and wives over the years.
No Men, Same Old Heteronormative Relationship Problems!
Feminists may come after us for this one, but despite the lack of men in WLW relationships, the same old problems trouble them. Partners tend to disagree on fundamental issues like how to spend money, time, and affection.
Family wrangles and social dynamics also make some WLW relationships tough. No matter how undeniable your chemistry is, if your family and friends do not get along, you will have a tough time riding happily ever after into the sunset. These problems will create divisions between the tightest couples because we all feel the need to defend our friends and family from ridicule and disrespect.
WLW relationships are like heterosexual ones in that no two are exactly the same. We hope this list has given you a vague idea of WLW attitudes toward romantic relationships without presenting this complex culture as a monolith.