JAN 20, 2023 AT 08:14 AM
As the famous song goes, sometimes love just ain't enough! When deeply in love, you may try to deny that the relationship isn't working. However, you cannot linger in the denial phase forever. It will become more obvious that despite the powerful spark and lots of love involved, things just aren't working.
Maybe you used to communicate at every opportunity, and now you barely say good morning. Perhaps your arguments are getting louder and more frequent. Suddenly, anything your partner does will likely send you flying off the walls.
You love them, yet you just can't stand them anymore. Mysteriously you also cannot stand to end the relationship. The mere thought may send you into a panic attack. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. We are here to help you navigate the complex emotional maze you have negotiated yourself into.
Signs Your Relationship Is Not Working Anymore
In case you are still trying to convince yourself everything is okay, we have included signs confirming that your relationship needs some TLC.
1. You Fight to Win, Not Resolve Conflict
Will you do anything to prove each other wrong or avoid your partner's I told you so? Your relationship needs a dose of maturity. You and your partner may be in love against each other rather than with each other. Competing with your partner is a zero-sum game that does not happen in healthy relationships.
2. You Have Poor Communication
Poor communication is a relationship killer because it allows molehills to grow into mountains. It is never a good sign when the fight gets so vicious you forget what you were arguing about. If you often get sidetracked during fights and start bringing up old fights, chances are your relationship isn’t working.
3. You Have Trust Issues
If you do not trust your partner, your relationship will fail. Your insecurities will make you become needy and controlling. The very efforts you make to draw your partner closer will push them further; when you intend to draw them in.
4. Your Spark Is Fizzling Out
The love may be there, but the spark is struggling. You just don't connect the way you used to anymore. You don't catch each other's eye across a room and the inside jokes aren't as funny as they used to be.
5. You Have Your Eye on Someone Else
You have been distracted. Of late, you are beginning to notice the competition. Perhaps you even have a new crush. Romantic interest and physical attraction to other people is a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
Seven Things to Do
If you have noticed these signs troubling your relationship, try one of these seven solutions.
1. Fix Your Insecurities
Even when head over heels in love, your insecurities and traumas may prevent you from enjoying your relationship. Even worse, this baggage may introduce challenges and ruin your relationship.
It is wise to deeply introspect before trying to fix your partner. You should be aware of how your unresolved issues influence your behavior. This will help you notice when you are the one behaving irrationally.
You must remember that your partner is unaware of your story and internal conflicts. Unless you choose to share the things you are struggling with, you cannot blame your partner for feeling besieged by your seemingly random antics.
If they cannot understand your issue and how it affects your life, try sharing some literature with them. Alternatively, you can bring them along to a few therapy sessions. This will help your relationship by providing context with your partner with the context necessary to understand certain things.
2. Try Some Couples Activities
Couples activities are designed to strengthen your bonds by compelling you to open up and be vulnerable with each other. Such activities help you stop dwelling on the negative so you can enjoy each other’s company.
Grudges are harder to hold onto after you have had a fun time together. Both of you are likely to soften your stances and compromise on some of the thorny issues plaguing your relationships. You may also bond while making fun of other couples who are having a tougher time than you guys.
Research and select a couple of activities best suited to you and your partner. Some couples' activities are designed to be therapeutic, while others are just fun things you can do with your partner.
If you are on a tight budget, do fun things together. Binge a series, get into a reading marathon, or select 30-day couples challenge to participate in. The point is to spend time together without fighting.
3. Use The 2-2-2 Couples Connection Rule
Have you heard of the 2-2-2 rule? Couples in successful relationships swear by it. The rule requires that no matter the event, a couple must have a date night every two weeks. They should have a weekend getaway every two months and a romantic vacation every two years.
Schedule these events, and your relationship will never end up in a rut. You will always have something fun to look forward to. Spice it up even further by alternating responsibility for planning the dates, getaways, and vacations. Surprise each other by doing things you may not have known the other is into.
Avoid having the same old boring date twice every month. Explore your town and surrounding areas. Be on the lookout for fun events to participate in together. Planning such activities will help you rediscover and learn new things about each other.
If you are on a budget, consider date nights at home. Get dolled up and sit on the couch to binge whatever you had in mind. Alternatively, you could have a game night with other couples. Anything that relaxes you and lets you have fun with each other again is good enough.
4. Fix Glaring Red Flags
When closely interrogated, most couples find out that their numerous fights have been largely over the same few issues. When love is in plenty, but the relationship isn't working out, you should identify and fix all red flags.
Both parties should be willing to compromise when their partner spots a flaw in their behavior. Work together to create a list of fixable stuff and the steps you will take to work on the issues.
The other list will be things that are tough to change. You will need to communicate openly about living with these tendencies. We cannot fix our partner's flaws. We can only accommodate and help them become better.
5. Work on Your Communication
Ask your partner how committed they are to the relationship. There is no need to frustrate yourself over someone who has one foot out the door. Once you ensure you are on the same page, you can decide to make a clean break or salvage the relationship.
6. Make a Conscious Effort to Be More Grateful and Affectionate
The smallest gestures may make the biggest difference if your relationship is on the rocks. It does not have to be an anniversary, Valentine's day, or birthday for you to do something special. Surprising your loved one with gratitude and affection will never go wrong. Learn your partner's love language and speak it fluently.
7. Talk About the Future
Nothing sucks more than unrequited love. No one wants to put in a ton of effort to save a relationship headed for the pits. Ensure you speak with your partner about their plans for the future. If there isn't any space for you in their future, it may be best to do the hard thing and call it quits. Do let love compel you to linger in a situation where you are not wanted or valued.
Love is important, but it should not be the only consideration when weighing the pros and cons of your relationship. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your situation to get an objective view.