Why Do Guys Ask WYD All the Time? Dangerous Symptom of Control

JAN 03, 2023 AT 06:32 AM


WYD is a shortened version of "what're you doing?" Usually, there are lots of reasons why partners might ask you what you're doing all the time. For instance, maybe they're curious about what you're up to, or they want to know what you're working on because they care about you. Mainly, this is the case where they genuinely love you. 

But sometimes, your partner asking you what you are doing is not always a good sign. It can be a red flag and one of the dangerous symptoms of control.


In this post, we will look at the reasons why the controlling partner will ask you a WYD question all the time and some of the factors you should consider before concluding that WYD is a sign of control and not a sign of genuine concern. Also, we will look at how you can respond to a WYD question from a controlling guy. 

Reasons Controlling Guys Ask WYD All the Time

There are many reasons a guy would ask WYD. For instance, they can ask WYD because they genuinely love you. But, sometimes, it can be annoying and unnecessary, especially when a guy you suspect is controlling always asks you WYD. It can be one of the signs of control for various reasons. Let’s look at a few reasons a controlling partner might ask what you're doing. 

1) They are Jealous

Sometimes, a controlling guy will ask WYD because he is jealous. He doesn’t want you to interact with other people or visit places freely. Also, he is jealous of you having your own life without him. The jealousy drives them to want to know who you're talking to or what they're doing. 

2) They are Afraid you Might Leave

A controlling guy is already aware that there is a possibility of you leaving him. Therefore, he is most of the time asking you what you're doing to be sure you still value the relationship. He is always afraid that you're planning to leave them hence wanting to monitor your every move.

3) It’s a Sign of Insecurity

A guy might be so insecure that he wants to know if you like them more than anyone. He will often ask you WYD to ensure that you still value him over everything else. Although it may not feel like controlling behavior at first, over time, you will begin feeling uncomfortable. 

Signs You Should Look Out for Before Concluding a Guy is Controlling

Not all the time, WYD questions are a sign of control. Sometimes, a guy will ask you WYD because he genuinely cares and loves you. In this case, a WYD question is a polite way to break the ice and initiate a friendly conversation with you. In other similar cases, he misses you and wants to spend quality time with you when it’s convenient for you. 

Therefore, since there are various reasons why guys ask WYD, it's always prudent to first analyze the situation before concluding he is controlling or he is a genuine guy interested in you. The following are essential other signs to look out for before concluding a WYD question from a guy is a sign control or not? 

Is Your Relationship Healthy or Unhealthy?

In a healthy relationship, there are cases where the guy asks you WYD because he doesn't want to arrange a date for the two of you when you have other important activity that needs your attention. In this scenario, it shows he likes you and values your time. 

On the other hand, if he always asks WYD without clearly mentioning what his intentions are, then it’s likely you are in a relationship with a controlling guy. Therefore, he asks you WYD to know what you are up to and likely lure you to change your plans at the last minute. 

How Often Does He Ask You WYD?

Guys who ask WYD constantly are likely trying to control their girlfriends by restricting their freedom. It’s a sign they are trying to monitor them at all times. 

Therefore, if someone is sending too many texts asking WYD questions, then this person is controlling, and you should address the issue before it gets out of hand or you get too far into an unhealthy relationship with the guy. 

How Does the Guy Relate with Other People?

Some guys like asking WYD, and there is not much to it, except it is a way to initiate a conversation with people. Therefore, if the guy asks people WYD, you don't have to worry since it’s simply his way of interacting with people. 

However, if he treats you and others close to him differently with some other controlling behaviors, then his WYD question might be a sign of control too. 

How Does WYD Question Make You Feel?

As a rule of thumb, you should always trust your judgment more than anyone else's opinion. Therefore, you can quickly tell if a WYD question by a guy is genuine or not based on how it makes you feel. If whenever he asks you WYD, you think he is not respecting your boundaries, then it’s true he is controlling. 

On the other hand, if you feel safe and loved when he asks you WYD, then he is likely a caring and loving guy. 

How to Respond to a Guy who Asks you WYD All the Time?

To respond appropriately to the WYD question, you have first to find out if the guy cares about you and is genuinely interested in what you are up to or not. For instance, if you're in a relationship with a controlling partner, you must carefully weigh your words when answering that question. If you answer directly without much thought, you will likely feel like you don't have any control over yourself since he is manipulating you.

But here are some tips for dealing with and responding to a controlling partner when he asks you WYD:

  • Communicate openly with your partner about how you feel about his controlling behavior. Usually, a controlling person may not even realize that he is being manipulative and controlling. Therefore, if you feel controlled, talk to your partner about it. Respectively let him know you are not comfortable with the question and tell him how best to ask you what you are up to.  
  • Set boundaries. It's important to have limitations in any healthy relationship. Therefore, if you suspect your partner is crossing your boundaries by asking you WYD all the time, let them know you need some freedom, and his unnecessary interference is not welcome. Importantly, negotiate a boundary agreement in which both of you feel comfortable and happy. 
  • Stand up for yourself. Whatever the reason, when your partner asks you WYD, it's always polite to respond truthfully and let your partner know what you're up to. But if your partner is trying to control you, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Always be bold to say no to your partner when necessary. 
  • Politely Minimize Interactions with Him. Minimizing interactions with a controlling guy will likely enable him to get the message that you're not interested. You can use this strategy when you want him to get a message that something is wrong, and he needs to initiate an open conversation where both of you can address the problem. This allows you to discuss the issue around his frequent WYD questions openly. 


Based on the above, you can tell whether a guy genuinely loves you or asking you WYD is one of his controlling behavior signs. Also, you know how to respond appropriately if they are controlling. 

Mainly, apart from obviously asking you WYD all the time, there are many other signs of controlling behavior, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and intimidation. If you experience any of these, then him asking you WYD is a sign of control too.

However, if he is generally a nice guy who sincerely cares for you, then he asks you WYD as another way to show he fancies you and likes spending time with you.