Why Does Affection Make Me Angry? Here's What Specialists Say

NOV 29, 2022 AT 03:05 AM


As odd as it may sound, not everyone enjoys being hugged or touched. Let’s face it; we’re living in a world that is becoming increasingly fast-paced and self-absorbed. As much as people may enjoy hugging, holding hands, or kissing their partner while saying “I love you”, some of us are not ready for that kind of intense intimacy, or simply don’t want it.

It doesn’t mean that we don’t like those people but we all have our own personal preferences when it comes to touching and being touched by others. However, some actually feel anger and resentment when someone tries to get too physically close to them. Does that mean something is wrong with them? Or could it be a sign of something deeper beneath the surface?


Where Does It All Begin?

The ability to express and receive affection is an important part of growing up. Children need lots of positive attention and affection to remain happy, healthy, and secure. But what about children’s capacity for anger, for understanding negative emotions?

How does a lack of positive attention affect them? There are some serious benefits associated with showing both ends of the emotional spectrum. In this article, we will explore how a person’s perception of affection is altered depending on how they were brought up. Let’s take a closer look...

What is Affection?

Affection is an expression of love and friendship that can take many different forms, such as hugging, holding hands, kissing on the cheek, or verbally telling someone that you care about them. It is a gesture of kindness and care, and it’s something that most people enjoy receiving from the people that they love.

Affection can also be expressed through gifts, cards, or even through acts of service, such as cooking a meal for someone or taking care of their daily responsibilities, like taking the kids to school or picking up groceries for the week.

Although not everyone expresses affection in the same way, or to the same degree, most people enjoy feeling loved and cared for by the people around them. Being shown affection is a great way to feel connected to the people you care about.

What’s the Deal with Affection and Anger?

As we discussed above, showing affection is an important part of growing up. When kids can express their love and affection, they are more likely to feel confident, secure, and self-assured. Anger, on the other hand, can be a healthy and necessary emotion.

When kids can express their frustration and anger, they come to understand the reality of what has taken place around them. Both types of emotion can be expressed in healthy ways that benefit the development of a child. However, there are some important differences between the two extremes.

Kids who have difficulty dealing with or expressing anger may become depressed or avoid situations that may trigger anger. These kids often lack self-confidence and a sense of self-worth. They may even become aggressive or violent as an expression of their emotions.

However, expressing anger constructively can help kids understand the world around them. They may be able to recognize the differences between aggression and assertiveness.

Why Does Affection Make Me Angry?

You may be wondering why someone would feel angry when they’re shown affection. Let’s face it; not everyone enjoys the same level of intimacy. Some people are very fond of their personal space, while others are more than happy to tear off their clothes or wrap other people in a tight hug.

People who enjoy receiving a lot of affection from those around them might feel very happy about it, especially if those people are loved ones. However, for those who don’t trust people enough to let them get so close, being shown affection can be more like an invasion of privacy.

Some people just don’t like to be touched, while others prefer to keep their physical relationship with others at a more distant level. It doesn’t mean that they don’t like those people — they just don’t trust them enough to let them get so close to their personal space.

Additionally, we tend to forget that the same idea is often received differently by each person, so what might one happy might make the other uncomfortable. It is based on the feeling inflicted by said affectionate action.

Why Does It Bother Me If It’s Supposed to Be a Good Thing?

Remember the part about not trusting people enough to let them get too close? Well, that’s the part that makes some people angry. It is a very common misconception that those who get angry when being shown affection are angry because they want more of it. They are, in fact, angry because they don’t want it at all.

They don’t like how it makes them feel, or they simply dislike the fact that it was offered in the first place. They don’t feel like they deserve the attention, or they’re just not ready for it. Some people may also experience an emotional or psychological response to being shown affection — or any other form of closeness, for that matter — such as sadness, confusion, or guilt.

As previously mentioned, one’s stance on affection is very much based on how they were brought up and their relationship with the action as kids.

How to Deal with the Repulsion When Being Told: “I Love You”?

There is no need to panic or think something is wrong with you because you don’t enjoy being physically close. That is just a part of your personality, and it is extremely common. Where things can get more complicated is when the person offering the affection is really important to you.

Remember, you don’t have to justify yourself. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. What matters is that you are honest with yourself and with the people around you. If you don’t feel ready for a hug or a kiss on the cheek from your loved one, let them know. Explain that you’re not against affection, you just need some space until you are ready for it.

The Benefits of Showing Affection

The benefits of showing affection in early childhood are truly impressive. A kid who gives affection is more likely to receive more positive attention from people around them, especially parents or caretakers, teachers, or family.

When kids can process and accept affection from others, they will likely feel more self-assured and confident. Understanding the intention behind affection, which is typically love, renders the kid a more relaxed, easygoing being. Affection carries the ideas of love, care, and support. This, in turn, can positively impact a child’s self-esteem and mood.

Other changes such as a better ability to communicate and a greater sense of self. And so, kids who are accepting of such gestures are more likely to be able to talk about their feelings, even more so with adults because of the safety felt through affection.


So what’s the deal with affection and anger? Well, just like with all emotions, children must learn when to express anger and when to channel their frustration into action. And like with affection, these skills can be developed over time.

When kids can constructively express anger, they can understand the harmful impacts of violence in society. This, in turn, can help to decrease the prevalence of violence. Affection is an essential part of any healthy relationship. After all, what is life without love and friendship?

However, it is important to keep in mind that not everyone is ready for the same level of intimacy. A good way to figure out what is right for you is to think about what you want and need in a relationship.

For example, if you want to be in a long-term relationship but you don’t feel ready for the next step, just be honest about your needs and desires. Affection can be a great tool for strengthening relationships, but it is up to each of us to decide when and how much we’re ready for.